Tuesday, November 9, 2010

potential for disaster

6 miles.  10x200.  34 sec.  i didnt really want to do a workout the day after a tempo run so i made it an easy one. i had to do this today since i cant go to the workout tomorrow cuz i have a class after school til 415. im not thrilled about it but i have a long way to go on getting all of my professional development hours in. if i didnt do it and lost my teaching certification that would be a total disaster. speaking of total disasters, i found myself in a situation today which had the potential to be arguably the worst kind of disaster known to man. no i am not talking about the tsunami, the tornado, earthquake, california wildfire, bla bla, etc. i am of course speaking of the 'public embarrasment disaster'. man, thats bad. it doesnt get much worse than that. allow me to set the scene. 630 pm, multi purpose room above the gym at the college, professional development class on the functional training of athletes. at that time i was wondering what you might be wondering now- what the eff is that? well it meant that for the duration of the class, we would be learning and doing dynamic stretches, warm up movements and core exercises. that was not the real problem though. the class itself would have been really fun (implied nick cash) except for one little (big) issue. now im wondering if youre wondering when i am going to get to the gd point. ok so about halfway into the class we needed to get a partner so we could share the equipment. a college student asked me if i needed a partner. she was probly 19 or 20 and good looking. seeing as how im not a total dumbass, i said sure. about 0.13 seconds later i felt a horrible rumbling inside my stomach. nooooo!!! for dinner i ate burritos with 3 different kinds of beans. that was a mistake. and of course we were starting the core exercises, which means all you do is tighten every muscle in your stomach, back, and ass in order to complete the movements. i was not excited about this due to the fact that i was already using all my stomach, back, and ass muscles to hold in gallons of nasty bean gas that wanted out BAD. i should point out that this room had a terrible echo, and mirrors all the way around, so there would be no way to attempt a test fart. no hiding behind a big person in the hopes people will just assume it was him. and no hope of escape. i was clenching everything as we did about 5 plank variations, a few squat variations, crunches, and balance ball exercises. i almost lost everything when i was doing a plank with my feet on the balance ball. i held it in so bad, the resulting involuntary shiver was so strong it almost shook me off the ball. at this point the pressure was so strong in my stomach and the pain was so bad i decided it would be worth the embarrassment just to get rid of the pressure. i was within seconds of pulling the trigger when the instructor decided to end the class. i got out of there quick. the final stats were as follows: shooting stomach pains-3, changes in sitting position-5, invlountary shivers-14. i got to my car (it took 39 sec to get there, so i estimate it was about a 400 away), started driving, did my best dale doback, and cursed the slow rate in which the power windows went down. thats all i have to say about that.